“I don’t think anyone can live this life and not be affected.”

Sara Wilkinson, gold star wife of Navy SEAL Chad Wilkinson, joins Emily and Jason in Jacksonville for Episode 047 in hard, honest conversation about growing up in a military family, her and Chad’s love story, the life of deployments as a military spouse, being a mom to Kinsley and Hudson, and Chad’s death by suicide in 2018 and the birth of Chad 1000x.

SCPO Chad Wilkinson was born into the Navy. Both his uncle and father were SEALs (before his dad became a Marine One helicopter pilot) and Sara says it was what Chad was born to do. As a fellow military kid he, with his two brothers and sister, grew up on bases and he ultimately graduated from Camp Lejeune HS. After a year at UCF, Chad enlisted in the Navy and successfully completed BUD/S. After three deployments with SEAL Team Eight, Chad left service for almost three years. He re-entered and (as Sara recounts) rejoined and was selected to join SEAL Team Six out of VA Beach. Among many deployments in Afghanistan, Iraq and various places in Africa, Chad served for 21 years and was the recipient of the Silver Star. Chad was on active duty in Virginia Beach when he died by suicide on October 29, 2018.

Sara met Chad on her first day of 9th grade on a base in Quantico, VA. It was the 14th of 15 K-12 schools she would attend as “a military kid born and bred,” daughter of a Marine. Chad’s signature “hey” started a surprise Homecoming invitation her sophomore year and a long, somewhat tumultuous courtship. Separations, breakups, and life changes punctuated their teenage and early adult years, culminating in a proposal and elopement right before Chad’s second deployment. Throughout, Sara says, “I wanted to be where he was.” Two great kids, a separation and reenlistment in the Navy, cross country moves, climbing mountains and finding community in CrossFit followed.

Sara talks about the unique personality required to survive and thrive to be married to the guys who do this work: fearlessness, independence, resilience. And the terrible toll that it can take on tier one operators as well as “their first responders.” She talks through the “what ifs” and all the looking back she has done to see if there were signs of Chad’s unseen injuries which ultimately led to his death. “There’s so many questions you’re never going to get answers to.”

Finally, as one who knows what it feels like to have her person gone, Sara talks about her call to suicide-prevention advocacy, community with other widows, and the search for the multiple answers for others as well as finding some healing for herself. She, with Jason and Emily, share the story of the birth of Chad 1000x and The StepUp Project and how the ripple effects of Chad’s life and death continue to move outward.

This is a long conversation so some timestamps to help navigate it:

0:00 - Introduction and excerpts from Sara’s speech at the National Navy SEAL Museum on Memorial Day

0:05 - Sara’s young life and meeting Chad

0:15 - College years and BUDs

0:25 - Proposal, elopement, and living in the “team house” in VA Beach, living as a military spouse

0:34 - Move to Raleigh and decision to “get back in,” move to CA… and back to VA Beach

0:44 - Finding CrossFit and life back in VA Beach with SEAL Team 6 deployments

0:50 - Early signs, symptoms, leading up to 2008

1:20 - Chad’s last days and death

1:35 - The aftermath, what has helped Sara

1:40 - The birth of Chad 1000x and going forward

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